3 am

it's 3 am and i'm having a hard time sleeping. lately, my sleeping pattern's been off. i remember when i was still in my first trimester...as soon as 10 pm hit, i would be super sleepy and off to bed. i wouldn't even wake up until 8 am, just to take a nap again at 2 pm. now, it's hard to sleep. they say it's the body's way of preparing for the baby but damn, this is ridiculous! can i please get some sleep?!

anyway, i haven't written anything in about a week now. it's just that i'm always tired and there's really nothing on my mind besides my son. 6 more weeks until i hit my 40th week and i can officially meet him :) i'm so excited! while i'm deathly afraid of labor, i keep psyching myself out and telling myself that it will all be worth it when i get to hold him in my arms. my lil man :) wow, i still can't believe i'm going to be a mom. i never even thought that i would get here!

lately, dylan's been more active in my tummy. i can feel him moving around, shifting himself, stretching out his arms, moving his tiny little legs, and even hiccuping. his hiccups last about 10 minutes on average. LOL! poor lil guy! i can just imagine his tiny little body moving with every hiccup. well, it sure looks like that anyway. ted and i videotaped my tummy when dylan had hiccups and it was the cutest thing! ted felt so bad because he couldn't do anything for the baby. haha! he's going to love his son so much, i already know it. i wonder if ted will still remember me once the baby gets here. he told me that i won't pay attention to him anymore as soon as our son gets here. i know on some level that he's right...i just wonder if it's the same way with him as well. in any case, i'm just lucky to have such a loving and doting partner in life. i definitely lucked out with him.

all i do now is daydream about my son. like, what would he be like? would he be fussy? what if he ends up being a funny kid and always making me laugh? God, that would be so awesome! sometimes, i think i overwhelm myself when i picture my kid being exactly like his dad: super energetic. the thought scares me because i really don't want to have to put my kid on a leash...but i will if i have to. i'm not even going to lie. by the time dylan's a year and a half, i hope to be pregnant with my next child. as difficult as this pregnancy has been, i'm willing to go through it a second time because i really want 2 kids. i'm an only child and let me just say, it sucks! no one is there to play with, fight with, have your back at school, etc. i don't want to wish the same on dylan. and ted has 3 other half siblings. all of them have different dads but they still treat each other like they're full blood related. wait, is that even the proper term? whatever. all i'm saying is, as much as i HATE (emphasis on the HATE!) being pregnant, i'm willing to go through it all over again because i want dylan to have someone to grow up with. he needs to learn how to look out for his younger sibling as well as be a good example to him/her. growing up alone was difficult for me because i was always lonely. fortunately, my friends became my brothers and sisters and until now, the same friends i had in grade school are the ones that are still in my life right now. God has been so good to me. he's never left me without.

ugh! i'm hungry again so i'm going to find food to eat. i'm already up 20 lbs and i'm on my 34th week of pregnancy. the doctor says my weight gain is fairly normal. what's not normal, however, is the fact that i seem to have an insatiable appetite now. like, i just want to eat EVERYTHING! not cool! i don't want to be like this but i have a big boy growing inside me. this is all for him. i'm just the host. ha! i bet you anything he's already more than 6 pounds. well, if he gets to 8 pounds, i'm going to ask my doctor for a c-section because there's just no way in hell i can push out an 8 lb baby! the thought petrifies me. but enough of that. food now, blog later :)

kloveyoubye!