pregnancy thoughts

now that i'm in my third trimester, everything just seems to feel better if i don't have any clothes on. it's weird because i'm not usually like this but it's just been so hot lately and my body temperature's just higher than normal. i know it's because of the pregnancy but it's also because of the summer heat extension. it feels like summer's been here forever! but today, for the first time in a long time, i didn't have to turn on my ac all day because the heat was actually more bearable than usual. how i wish for more days like this! i know fall's coming soon but i just can't wait for it! ted and i even notice the changes in the leaves as fall is ready to make an entrance. it's just so beautiful.

anyway, i've been put on bed rest by my new doctor and i must say, i hate it. i hate it more than i hate not being able to drive on my own. now, i feel even more confined than usual. i miss my old life. i know that i have a whole new life ahead of me, especially with the baby coming, but i miss what i had before. i miss working, i miss going out with my friends, i miss drinking and laughing with my friends at bars, i miss being able to just pick up the phone and meet up with whoever calls me, and i definitely miss my life in Downtown LA. i know i'm probably being just overly emotional but i really do miss everything. i'm very grateful for the life i have now but i always seem to daydream about the past. today, i had lunch with sam and dinner with sam and kathy and i just really miss how we all used to hang out and just have fun. now i feel like i'm just holding everyone back because the most i can do with them is eat. i can't really go anywhere or walk anywhere, i can't drink, i can't go to clubs, and i can't even shoot pool. i love my little baby boy growing inside me but i really wish i can just be done and over with this pregnancy already. it seems like i've been pregnant for a whole year now. i know it's only supposed to be 10 months but it's too damn long....and i'm only a week shy of my 8th month. sighs.

i find myself getting annoyed at people asking me how far along i am and when i tell them "almost 8 months," they always have this shocked look on their faces and even go so far as to ask me, "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" rude ass people! i know i'm exceptionally large for just a week shy of 8 months but i can't help how big my tummy grew! i've only really gained 13 lbs my entire pregnancy and it's all in my tummy. even i don't understand how big i'm supposed to be. people always say you're either too big or too small. well, what fucking size are you supposed to be anyway?! it's not like i wasn't already big before i got pregnant. so shouldn't it be just natural for me to have a big belly as well?! ugh! people are just so fcking annoying sometimes. they don't realize that the little comments they make (even if they don't intentionally try to hurt you) affects your mood. it's ridiculous, really. it's like how people from Pinas always think it's okay that they tell me i'm fat. i'm not morbidly obese. yes, i'm chubby but i'm proportionally chubby and i don't have any guts sticking out. why the hell do people feel compelled to tell you you're fat when you don't really wanna hear it? i've always liked being my size. i was skinny once and i didn't like it because i started developing a complex about myself. i found myself conceited and insecure and always worrying about what clothes to wear and what heels goes with what outfit. it was so goddamn ridiculous! the moment i put on some extra weight, i started liking myself more because i no longer cared about the latest fashions and accessories. i wore what looked cute and felt comfortable. but of course, no one would understand that because apparently, in order to look good, you have to be skinny. i'm sorry but i beg to differ. i like being a big girl. what i don't like, however, is being a big pregnant girl and being constantly told that i'm "too big." i'm technically under the desired weight for my size and how far along i am so i really don't appreciate all the negative comments about my tummy. i swear, i'm going to cuss out the next person who makes a stupid ass comment about my size!